Domestic Violence: Giving a Complicated Problem a Simple Definition
Updated: Apr 13, 2021
Not only is it difficult to understand this type of violence under the conditions of relationships that should be built on love and trust, it is also difficult to define. A technical definition of domestic violence might be found as a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors that include sexual, physical, emotional, and psychological abuse.
Patterns of such abuse can also be seen as financial and economic oppression, creating an unsafe environment for the victim and limiting and prohibiting a domain of any kind. The term, "domestic violence," as defined by the United States Department of Justice includes "felony or misdemeanor crimes of violence committed by a current or former spouse or intimate partner of the victim, by a person with whom the victim shares a child in common, by a person who is cohabitating with or has cohabitated with the victim as a spouse or intimate partner, by a person similarly situated to a spouse of the victim under the domestic or family violence laws of the jurisdiction receiving grant monies, or by any other person against an adult or youth victim who is protected from that person’s acts under the domestic or family violence laws of the jurisdiction."https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence
Simply Stated
These types of abuse are utilized by authoritative individuals against their intimate partners and children where the perpetrator and victim(s) are currently or have been previously dating, cohabiting, married, or sharing a mutual residence. Simply stated, it is being hurt or harmed in any way by one who is trusted under the conditions of a communal household. States vary in their domestic violence provisions. As defined by the National Conference of State Legislators, approximately 38 states place domestic violence definitions and penalties within the criminal code and nearly every state provides a definition within the domestic relations or social services codes. Within this variance are broad definitions that may include stalking, harassment and, in some instances, non-physical abuse including intimidation and emotional abuse. Regardless of what it is called and referred to, it is a crime, and those that perpetrate this violence are plain and simply criminals. https://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/domestic-violence-abuse-definitions-and-relationships.aspx
They're Simply Bullies ....
For a less technical definition, domestic violence is perpetrated by bullies—hurtful individuals that are consumed with themselves and their own selfish wants and desires at anyone and everyone’s expense. These bullies cannot love another person with a pure and selfless love. They have motives, conditions, and provisions—strings tightly and securely attached. They will control, manipulate, blame, demand, demean, humiliate, dehumanize, devalue, exploit— you name it. If you feel hurt, confused or diminished by it, that’s what it is. They will turn, twist and spin your words around in such a way that you don’t know what you said and why you said it. You will question yourself and your motives. You will feel as if you have lost your clarity and your own brainpower. You’ll feel confused, perplexed, and stupefied by your own cognition of any given situation at any given or un-given time. That’s his plan. These abusers are masterful at creating craziness through turning everything around, blaming you for their choices, using sorrow-riddled, superficially turned-on tears, grandiose-over-the-top compliments, love-bombing, insincere flattery, and anything else he can dream up at any given moment to manipulate you. There is no way that you will be able to stay on top of it as it can all change so quickly in his favor. It can go from giving you money to spend, then flipping his lid when you spend it. That is just one small example of everyday life with a perpetrator of domestic violence.
As one survivor described her situation as constrictive and confined. She said that "being under the constant threat of domestic violence makes you feel as though you're living life scrunched up in a box. Your hopes, dreams, emotions, and opinions are stuffed away and controlled by the abuser." https://www.sharedjustice.org/most-recent/2017/7/27/why-domestic-violence-is-a-public-justice-issue
For the victims, it is much like a scenario where you think you know the rules of the game, but just when you think you do, the rules change. The game spinner for turns or the “color-changing wild card” only work for him—when he says so. Then the rules change again, and again, and again. If I have painted a picture of confusion and distorted perception, I have done well.
Being controlled, manipulated, and harmed -- held against your will and deprived of choices -- it's a crime. And it's wrong.
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